South of Nowhere Without You
by Spaiden14
Summary: Set at King with Spencer a Senior feigning for Sophomore Ashley's affections when an accident happens and changes everything from feelings, to decisions, and even memories...
1. Chapter 1

She was sick with it. What do you do when someone you trust rips you to shreds? She felt like she was going crazy! And what was worse was Ashley didn't even seem to care... She'd just gone on with her life but the jealousy... That was off. Spencer was sick, sick with missing Ashley, sick with misery, sick! And to get back at her ex she'd done something stupid. It wasn't a big deal really, she'd done it to get her mind off of Ashley; but the bet hadn't really worked out that way. No, instead of getting Ashley out of her head she'd gotten worse. It had started off in good fun: "I'm telling you Spence, that hat and some glasses!" Nick had said as they were leaving school, and the preoccupied Spencer had taken it to heart. The next day she'd gone to school with an even more clever ensemble then the day before. The problem was that she'd only done it in the hopes that Ashley would take notice at what she had given up when she'd asked for the break up two days before. She'd worn her lace purple shirt, with her fitted vest, and skinny jeans. She'd certainly turned some heads, including Aiden's but it was a small victory. As her first class wound down Nick challenged her "I bet you can't get a number with that outfit!" before Spence could rebut this he quickly added "I mean including your ski hat and those nerd glasses you made. Come on Spence! The only number's you'll get will be from nerds!" Spencer quickly accepted "Oh yeah? Please I'll have three by lunch, just wait!" "We'll see, may have to make it more interesting by then." Nick had countered. As Spencer's next class had started she put on the costume and admired how hot a 'nerd' she made. "Don't I look good Chels?" she had said confidently. It was the one class her and Ashley shared and Spencer had made a point of being extra peppy, she didn't want Ashley to know just how bad she was hurting. "Yeah Spence, always!" Chelsea had offered. After taking a few pictures of herself and posting them on her Twitter and Facebook Spencer got bored; she'd already gotten five numbers she tweeted Nick: "What was that you said about upping the anty?" he responded "Here's how it works. You get kissed by anybody and the hat and glasses come off and I'll do your essay! No kiss no essay and you have to wear the glasses and hat again." "Sounds to easy ;P!" Spencer had replied but by fifth when she still hadn't been kissed she started getting anxious. "Guys!" She complained to Liz and Jess "What am I gonna do? I don't want to wear this tomorrow!" "Just have my sister kiss you!" Jess had answered, "Totally!" Liz had agreed "but your sister is as straight as they come!" Spencer had answered "So?" Jess stated "she kisses girls all the time! She'll kiss you! You're like her lesbian crush, just do it." "If you say so." Spencer answered skeptically. When class ended the three friends congregated in the hallway to talk "I guess I'll go before I get caught in late kid corner like last time" Spencer said a little disheartened at her turn of events for the day. Before she could trudge off to class she felt lips on hers and hands encircle her neck. Spencer let her hands find chest as she leaned into the kiss and then pulled away a little aghast. She found a smirking Aiden with his hands on her shoulders steadying her. "All in good fun right Spencer?" Aiden laughed and Spencer joined in "For sure Aiden" Spencer replied. As she started to walk down the hall she turned and caught a glimpse of Jess and Liz with their jaws stuck to the floor, she laughed and turned back around. Aiden was keeping with her pace "So Spence, you're a good kisser." "Really? You are too, you kiss some lucky girls" Spencer said laughing "Hah well so do you Spence. Seriously any time you're bored, me and you" Aiden pointed back and fourth between them and continued "I live down the road there's a clinic they have condoms! You know where to find me." he ended with a laugh. "Well I'll be here after school just let me know." Spencer joked as they headed in opposite directions.


	2. Chapter 2

"So how was it?" Spencer's friend Sarah asked later that night on the phone. "It was good, but it's Aiden so it was just fun you know?" "Makes sense. Does Ash know about it?" Sarah asked a little more seriously. Spencer contemplated this before answering. "I think she has an idea... A lot of people did see it, but I don't know. I'm trying really hard not to care Sarah." "Don't play that with me Spence! Maybe you can fool Ashley but not me. I can tell your sick with it, it hurts just watching you pretend to be ok." Sarah nearly yelled. "Well it doesn't matter if she saw or not." Spencer finally answered "she broke up with me! I'm the one that wanted to fight for our relationship. But she ended it Sarah! I got dumped by a Sophomore and if I act like I care, what's that gonna do for me? Nothing that's what! You think I want our entire class gossiping about me again. I'm tired of being talked about because I started dating Ashley Davies!" Spencer stopped her rant and waited hesitantly for her friend to again make herself known on the other line. Sarah finally answered "You're leaving Spence... I'm not saying it doesn't suck cause I know it does! But maybe that's why she did it." "But what the hell Sarah? She knew that when she asked me out, she asked me out, not the other way around." "Yeah and then you made plans to go even further. One second it's UCLA, and then the next it's San Diego, all of the sudden your filling out dual citizenship and passport applications! What're you running from Spence? You never showed much interest in third world countries and now... You're in the Peace Corps." Sarah said trying to keep composure. Spencer hadn't thought of this. Now that Sarah had posed these questions they were all bouncing around her head. Yes she had made rash plans but she thought it would be in good adventure; the only places she'd been were Ohio and now LA she needed out and San Diego hadn't cut it, when the Peace Corps recruiter had showed up it was like Spencer had seen the stars align. It made sense! She needed out and what better way then heading to Australia for two and a half years? Suddenly the realization hit her though. "Sarah?" Spencer asked skeptically. "Yeah." was all she heard "I need out of here. Not from Ash, I can feel it from the way I'm tearing at the seams that I could love her. But from here! From LA, from King, from our class. The past four years I've been the pretty girl no one ever talked too and Senior year hits and it's like there's friendships everywhere! Cute girls everywhere! Then I meet Ash and I start dating and all my new 'friends' give me shit cause she's younger then me and a Sophomore. It was misery being the talk of the school. I can't let the opportunity go. It feels like the only thing I have left to hold onto." Spencer finished. Sarah could hear the numb hopelessness that was lacing her best friends tone, had seen it enough times to know just what the blues eyes were saying even though they were simply on the phone. Spencer was losing herself, she needed something, anything really, to remind her of who she was; Sarah had hoped Ashley would be the right medicine, and maybe she was, but it wasn't their time. Sarah could drag out Spencer's leaving but that wouldn't do. Spencer needed new air and more importantly, she needed to remember who she was. Sarah caved the second this epiphany had hit her fully. "Of all the girls to break your heart it had to be a Davies didn't it? Like of all the girls to pick Spence did it really have to be my cousin? I told you she was an ass! Let her go, the way your feeling isn't worth the pain. My cousin doesn't deserve to have caused this Spencer." Sarah was hoping to bitch slap Spencer into better happiness by letting her know she wouldn't hold leaving against her, she wouldn't let Ashley either. "I can't Sarah... Don't make a face, I know you will. I just can't shake this. When I was with Ash I wasn't pining for Petra, I wasn't shooting up with Hayden, I was just with Ash. That dance was the best part of this winter. Her showing up here, it was I don't know, but it was like she saved the hope I was losing. I didn't need to worry about who to get over or if I was going to lose her, that's not how it felt! Then she starts being weird when your uncle gets to town and I lose the one thing I thought was sure." Spencer wanted to break down, needed to even, but she couldn't bring herself to just yet. The tears were threatening to come and Spencer was doing her best to keep them at bay. "I can't do this Spence. It's to weird, and you're not listening. I'm sorry you're hurting but I don't know what else I can say. I have to go I have a paper." Before Spencer could respond Sarah had ended the call leaving Spencer to her thoughts and iPod


	3. Chapter 3

"Snap out of it Ash! Let's go!" "Dammit Kyla!" Ashley was sitting in her foyer trying to think of anything but Spencer. Right now she was thinking of ways to kill that ass Aiden, she'd heard about the kiss in passing, it didn't sound serious but she wanted to kill him. Kyla wasn't helping wanting to go to some party Ash was still in grieving mode and she didn't think this was just gonna pass. "I'm not going Kyla." "Quit the moping Ash, why are you being like that? You dumped her." Kyla said matter of factly. "Just go without me ok? I'm not in the mood to get hammered tonight." With that said Ashley walked inside not allowing further argument. She trudged to her room and locked the door. She picked up her phone from the floor and flipped it open, she found Spencer's status on her screen "So you can find a safe place, Brace yourself they call kids like us vicious and carved out if stone, But from what we've become we just feel more alone, Always weigh what I lost, Against what I've left, So progress report: I am missing you to death..." Ashley thought about what this could mean, was this directed at her? Was it just Spencer quoting her favorite song? She wasn't sure but she couldn't help but think about it. She started thinking out loud "You ended it because she needed a clean break, she needs to be herself and be able to leave without feeling obligated to stay. You ended it because you're 16! She's 18 it was too serious for you!" She paused she was warring with herself about what to say next when it came out suddenly "you ended it because you were scared..." There it was, out there and threatening to make Ashley crack and text Spencer, "Ignore her! What are you doing to yourself? It was a month get a grip Davies! Get a grip! So what if she looked amazing today, there are other girls, control yourself." Her phone buzzed, another Spencer Carlin status update. These were going to kill her, she gulped and opened the text " 'Don't give them no more chances, Oh girl they had their turn, Everything's for a reason.' I guess you turned into your favorite Drake song Practice" What was Spencer trying to do? She'd kissed Aiden dammit! Why make the snide comments, she was obviously handling this better then Ashley was. Her phone started going off she saw her cousin's name and picture pop up on the screen, she clicked answer "What the hell Ash!? She extended her trip! Have you lost your damn mind do you want her to leave? What are you thinking? She trusted you! Hell I trusted you! How could you hurt her like that?" Ashley was holding in angry tears here she was miserable and of course her cousin blamed her, she had, had it! "My fault? This is my fault? This is better for her! I ended it so she could leave and not feel obligated to stay. This is not my fault Sarah!" Ashley was getting angry and Sarah refused to let her feel like the victim. "Don't give me that bull Ash! She'd have stayed for you! She wanted to even. Now it's all she can do to get away. It's like I heard the hope drain out of her voice as she talked about you." "She kissed Aiden!" Ashley yelled into the phone "You broke up with her! She's acting Ashley like she doesn't care! Nick and her made a bet and Aiden kissed her when he heard about it, can you blame him? Did you see her today? Aside from the obvious fact that you broke up with her, there's also the fact that he's a guy! And Spencer's gay, clearly not her type." The way Sarah phrased those last few words made Ashley question what she thought she knew. "What are you talking about?" Ashley was intrigued. "You weren't here when Petra left her Ash. I've never seen her like that. It was like someone killed her and this dead body with my best friends name was walking around. She did some really stupid things for that entire year." Sarah sounded distant as she recalled her friends painful past. "Like what?" Ashley asked curiously. "Like hardcore drugs... She was never fat but when Petra left she just started working out. Then the Doucotti her Grampa bought her. I mean she's settled but she still boxes every afternoon, rides the bike when she's lost, she quit the drugs but she made some enemies when she quit." "That doesn't sound like Spencer." "I'm heading over there's things you need to hear." And Sarah hung up again.


	4. Chapter 4

Spencer was thrashing around she'd crashed out while doing her homework and her dreams were of a different part of her life. She was looking on as Hayden placed the needle in her arm, it was like she could feel the fire traveling through her arm and then she sprung up. She had a sharp intake of breath and then started breathing heavily. Her father peeked his head into her room "What's the matter honey?" he asked worried. Spencer rubbed her temples before answering "Just a bad dream. Dad do you mind if I go for a ride?" Arthur gave a smile "I thought you might ask me that." With that he held up her helmet and purple riding jacket "it's late Spence I want you to be careful, I'll tell your mother where you are." Spencer smiled "I love you dad!" she squealed as she ran to give him a hug. "I love you too sweetheart! Be careful." Arthur closed the door behind him and Spencer quickly threw on pair or jeans and a tank with her long sleeve shirt and riding jacket. She grabbed her boot and helmet and took off to the garage. Her phone was buzzing letting her know she had a text. She opened it to see a text from Glen "Staying at Aiden's today and tomorrow. See you at church Sunday." Spencer sighed before opening the garage and hopping onto her bike. Spencer just sat there a minute while she ran her fingers along the design on her helmet. "Moonstruck" it was her favorite word and as of late the only thing of Ashley's she hadn't set on fire. Knowing how much the bike meant to Spencer, just not why, Ashley had gotten it painted and then designed a special helmet for her. The bike now said Purple Waves on the side in a yellow that looked like it could glow, the helmet said Moonstruck in the same color with a purple background. They were weird things to get painted onto things but when Ashley had asked Spencer what she wanted she had been adamant about the two words. Spencer started her bike and pulled out of the garage while tuning the radio in her helmet. She wasn't sure where she was headed yet, just that she needed to escape her house and the dream. As she zoomed through the streets it began to replay vividly she was at Hayden's house when some blonde has showed up and stuck a needle in her arm. She'd started convulsing and then felt the flames engulf her arm, that was when she'd woken up, or when it got fuzzy. She thought about why she'd named her bike Purple Waves not only did her favorite book say it but when she used to go on her trips that's what she'd see it was like a moon in the sky with waves pulling at her insides; purple waves they practically defined who she was and she wasn't sure how. She'd quit drugs 14 months ago and she'd never felt better but her mind had paid a small price, some nights she thought she was crazy the dreams, the random bouts of pain shooting through her. Her parents had kept her drug problem quiet and so had her friends but her classmates had an idea; how couldn't they? She'd been a Zombie their entire Sophomore year and the first few months of Junior year, Sarah had shown her pictures. She was gray the only thing that looked alive were her eyes and they were always glazed over. Hayden had been bad news but when Petra left what was Spencer going to do? Every time she talked to her mom judgment laced her tone as her mother would ask "Are you really still in moping mode?" She'd lost the girl she loved, she'd lost who she thought she was, she'd lost her grip on right and wrong; that's where Hayden came in. With her tan skin, her perfect body, and her manipulative mindset she'd practically killed Spencer. Her brother Clay had saved her and then she'd lost him too and relapsed back to Hayden and the drugs. But Sarah finding her at that party had been the nail in the coffin. She'd hated Sarah so much those first few months of rehab living and then she stopped. She'd cleaned up last October and never felt better, aside from pissing off Hayden and her drug clan, she'd been absolutely amazing. The dreams were back though and now Ashley was In them, Spencer suspected that was because of the dating, the making her jealous. "What the hell was I thinking with that bet!" Spencer yelled as she pulled the bike over. She pulled off her helmet and put her head in her hands "It was only a month and I want her back, I want to call her UGH!" Spencer launched her phone over the impasse "You know I don't think that's what those are made for." Spencer flinched, "What are y-" and then she felt someone hit her head and it went black.


	5. Chapter 5

-The Next Day-  
That incessant buzzing from Glens phone was going to drive Aiden mad, he grabbed it and answered groggily "Hello? Mr.C hey is everything alright? No he's asleep... Yes sir we'll be there right away." Aiden hung up the phone and ran to wake up Glen he stumbled into the living room. "Glen! Glen wake up!" he was shaking him full force "Glen!" Glen sat up and rubbed his eyes. "What's your proble-" "It's Spencer!" Aiden interrupted. Glen was now wide awake "What about my sister Aiden?" Glen asked panicked "We better head to the hospital..." Aiden answered stricken.

Sarah was driving to the hospital, she hadn't told Ashley she was leaving. She hadn't said anything her cousin was sleeping and she couldn't find it in her to wake her cousin with this news. had called with less then good news. It looked like Spencer had been attacked and was now in a medically induced coma. She was in bad shape and didn't sound like his hopeful self, Sarah was scared.

Ashley was stumbling around the house rubbing her eyes and searching for her cousin "Sarah? Sarah this house isn't that big, where are you?" Ashley had learned a lot last night about her ex-girlfriend she now seriously regretted ending what might arguably be the best thing that ever happened to her. She'd heard about that party where her cousin had found Spencer nearly dead. She'd never in a million years pegged Spencer as a drug user but it looked like she had been pretty hardcore about it. If it weren't for Sarah the Carlin's were sure they would have buried another child. Sarah had found Spencer in a bedroom with a needle in her arm and Codone spread out around her. Spencer was on the brink of death if it weren't for Sarah's dad her drug problem would have been everywhere but he had treated her from his home and brought her back to the Spencer she used to be. Ashley wanted to thank her cousin but she couldn't find her. "Sarah!?" Ashley called getting a little annoyed "She's not here Ash, she stormed out of here looking like a chicken without a head" Kyla answered "What are you taking about?" Ashley demanded "I mean she got a call and it was like the color drained out of her. She grabbed her jacket and ran out of here. Didn't say anything just ran out." Ashley was now panicking what would make Sarah leave like that? She needed to find out.

"What happened Dad?" Glen asked they'd been there for two hours and still knew nothing Paula had yet to get back from the OR she had to work. Aiden, Glen, Sarah, and Arthur had been pacing non stop waiting for word on Spencer. "They're not sure son, whoever it was left your sisters bike alone and only went after her. The Police suspect a hate crime but they don't seem to think that fits completely either." Arthur said confusion present on his face. As he was about to say more a Dr. came out to meet them. "Hello Arthur" "Ben, what can you tell me about my daughter?" Arthur asked getting straight to the point. "Well it appears as though Spencer's suffered a severe concussion we had to staple her scalp from the hit she suffered to her head. We also had to stitch the cut over and through her eyebrow a total of eight stitches. There was some internal bleeding on her left side that we managed to stop. Of the three ribs broken one did puncture her lung, we drained the liquid and have placed a tube going through her body to substitute lung function for now. Her injuries are extensive Arthur. That's only a fraction of what we had to do to stabilize Spencer, she's still in critical condition." Dr. Montano stated sympathetically before he continued. "Arthur we do believe Spencer will regain consciousness but in total she's got one hundred and seventy seven stitches and six broken bones on the right side of her body." "As long as she's alive we can handle the rest, of that I'm sure." Arthur replied sounding more sure then he actually looked. The Dr. looked at Arthur before placing his hand on his shoulder. "There's something else..." Ben paused before pushing on "It appears as though Spencer was drugged last night. We know she didn't do this herself based on where needle marks were but we've never seen a drug quite like this before. We're waiting for test results until then we know very little about what's going on in Spencer's body." As the Dr. finished this assessment and allowed it to sink in Spencer's ex Petra ran through the door and stopped when she saw the four people around a Dr. Suddenly this didn't seen like such a good idea, but it was too late to turn back now and Petra really did want to know that Spencer was ok. Sarah approached her and the four men moved away from them. Petra gulped and met Sarah's gaze she quickly let it fall and began to speak "I couldn't live with myself if something happened to her and I didn't come." Petra chanced a look at Sarah who remained statuesque with her arms folded firmly across her chest. Petra continued "I know you probably hate me. I don't blame you, I just Madison heard from Glen what happened and she told me and I thoug-" "Madison had no right to tell you anything!" Sarah yelled "Do you know why I'm here Petra?" Petra remained silent still failing to meet Sarah's eyes. "You don't know, you don't have any idea do you? Well let me tell you so you'll have an idea of the damage you did to my best friend!" Sarah enunciated furiously. Glen and Arthur were now looking toward them. Sarah stepped in closer to Petra and began to whisper in a deathly tone "She died when you left. It was like you took her with you. She got into drugs to drive the thought of you away from her brain! You killed her! Now you're here with your apologies like that's supposed to make up for what you did three years ago? Save it for the Carlin's cause I don't forgive you. And I will do everything I can to ensure Spencer doesn't take you back!" Sarah spat these last few words at her like poison. At this Petra's head shot up and she looked seriously at Sarah before answering. "I never wanted to hurt her Sarah. I was with somebody then and I wanted to be with her but I got scared of the judgment." Sarah scoffed at this and Petra continued "I wanted to come back to her Sarah! I tried a year or so ago but she was too far gone. You think I've been away and living it up? I haven't. I heard about the drugs, the person she was; you can blame me but you will never condemn me as much as I have myself. I wanted to right my wrong but when I went to Madison's party I couldn't find her! I've been miserable! Then I heard that she'd cleaned up and who was I to come back when she was doing so well? She even started dating that cousin of yours, I was ready to just let it be but there's no way I'd sit back for this. I need to see her before I can believe she'll be ok. I'm not asking for your forgiveness Sarah, just your understanding on this one thing." Petra pleaded while finally meeting Sarah's eyes hoping to help her plea. Before Sarah could respond Glen walked over to the two of them and wrapped his arms around their shoulders. "We're all here for Spencer ladies! Let the bad blood rest for now alright?" The two girls nodded and he dragged them back to the waiting area with Arthur and Aiden.


	6. Chapter 6

-Two Weeks Later-  
Like most families who go through something traumatic the Carlin's spent their days at the hospital at least for the first two weeks. Paula was miserable she waited for her daughter to regain consciousness but eventually the Carlin parents went back to work and Glen, Aiden, and Sarah went back to King. Their fellow classmates realized Spencer's absence but few knew the entire story they also took notice to Petra's arrival and that finally made Ashley click to the real problem. Sarah had promised the Carlin's she wouldn't tell her cousin about Spencer's condition but with Spencer's ex returning to King that set off Ashley's red flag. She was now losing her mind waiting to know what happened to Spencer. Her cousin refused to tell her anything, in fact she'd been avoiding her since their heart to heart a few weeks ago. Ashley was becoming wary of this situation finally she approached Petra. "Have you seen my girl friend?" Ashley asked numb. Petra gave her a once over, she could see why Spence had gone for the Sophomore. Her presence demanded attention, she was skinny but toned, her unruly curls hung sexily around her face, and she was very clearly head over heels for the blonde that lay comatose in the hospital. Petra sighed inwardly and answered: "No offense but, last I heard she was your ex girl friend." Petra watched as Ashley winced at this comment before she continued "Look it's not my business to say... All I can tell you is maybe you should visit her at Paula's work." With this Petra turned and headed to her class. Ashley contemplated these words before deciding she would go see Mrs. Carlin the second school had ended. Sarah who had watched the exchange from afar became immediately aware that keeping the two apart should have been a priority, Spencer did not need to wake up to her ex's having coffee while they compared notes on her kissing; Sarah decided then shunning her cousin had probably been a bad idea.  
Petra had just finished her conversation with Ashley and her mind was reeling from it. Why she had helped her competition when it came to Spencer Carlin was beyond her, but she couldn't help it. She assumed this was a Davies gift. Even in weakness they were immeasurably charming, this she knew for a fact. She'd known Sarah Davies since she was 4 years old and she'd known of Ashley Davies since she was about 12. Though the latter of the two had a reputation that preceded her. The player at her private school, she chewed them up and spit them out, and her talent and looks made her the most sought after Davies of the younger generation. Though the Ashley Davies she'd seen today definitely didn't fit that description. Petra suspected the broken fifteen year old she saw today mirrored the fourteen year old she'd left three years ago. This she reasoned was why she'd thrown Ashley that small bone then again she suspected something more. Petra had known Spencer for six years, if you included their dark ages, and she was. They were in seventh grade when Spencer had moved to LA and Thorne Middle School Pre-College Academy. Petra remembered when she'd first laid eyes on the blonde her heart now belonged too, they were 12, Spencer was tutoring and Petra was forced to be tutored. She'd gone to her first day of tutoring and scoffed at the few dance team members that were in charge of tutoring. Immediately she'd noticed Spencer. Who wouldn't? She was obviously new, obviously beautiful, and very obviously the sweetest one there. Petra had positioned herself as faraway from Spencer as possible, not because she didn't like her, it was quite the opposite. Petra couldn't have the prettiest girl in school pitying her for not being able to do simple math. Though that plan didn't work the next time when Spencer had been in tutoring instead of doing the tutoring herself. She'd sat down right next to Petra smiled her perfect smile and started doing whatever stupid poetry assignment they had received. But it wasn't just that, she'd grabbed her iPod and slid the headphones in her ears, Petra remembered thinking why bother? Everyone could here the punk rock coming out of Spencer's ears and Spencer didn't even notice the sideways glances from anyone else in the room. It was that afternoon that Spencer and Petra had first talked. But Petra couldn't relive that right now.

"Ben you need to tell me what's going on in Spencer's body." Paula Carlin stated strained Ben Montano looked at her straight in the face before he answered her. "I can't be sure Paula..." Paula went to answer and Dr. Montano held up his hand to stop her. "I know this," he began "We've never seen anything like this before. But Spencer looks better then she ever has before. Her vitals are working in the healthiest way, her body looks like it's mending itself. It's miraculous! We can wake her in a few more days but for now, we can't really be sure how much pain or If there will be pain." Paula sighed and clutched at her chest as she was about to speak she heard a page for her to go the front of the hospital she thanked Ben and went to the front hoping the page had been from her husband. What she saw as she reached the front of the hospital were both of Spencer's exes clearly in a dispute that the Carlin mother did not need at this particular moment. "Look she's my girlfriend!" Paula heard Ashley yell "You dumped her Sophomore! Nobody in their right mind would've left her! Don't cry foul, let an adult handle what you've broken!" Petra rebutted. Ashley's eyes narrowed Paula recognized the look and immediately said "Stop!" Both girls froze and turned toward Paula. Paula looked at both of them before turning on Petra. "Darling it is good to see you but under the circumstances you don't belong here, there's so many other things you could be doing, none of them being my daughter." Petra went to respond when Paula silenced her with a look and sternly stated "Sarah told me about her first talk with you a few weeks ago, I don't hate you sweet heart but until Spencer's awake I don't want you coming back here." With this Paula dismissed Petra and turned to Ashley. She immediately took in Ashley's appearance though she'd stood tall when defending herself against Petra she seemed to have shrunk while Paula had taken in Petra. She looked like she hadn't slept in god knows how long, she definitely wasn't the charismatic Ashley Davies Paula had met and had over for dinner in the past few months. "I'll leave Mrs. C I really an sorry about Spencer..." and before Paula could say anything Ashley walked out the door.  
What else was Ashley going to do? Both Petra and Mrs. C had been right. There was Spencer whom she Ashley hadn't seen in weeks, she didn't know what was going to happen she had broken up with her after all, but she needed her back! This was going to kill her.  
Petra had been wrong to think that Mrs. Carlin would welcome her back with open arms, what was she thinking? But she did need to get Spencer back she'd made the same mistake Davies was making now and she needed to right before Davies did. She could see the love in her eyes and she couldn't handle losing Spencer she truly believed she Could love her better! She'd known her longer after all. This definitely wasn't going to be easy...


	7. Chapter 7

-Spencer 1 week later-  
She'd been awake for two days but she couldn't remember some of the people that had come in. Some names were swimming in her head but she wasn't sure what they meant to her or who they were. Her parents had to tell her about Clay and she'd nearly lost it. It was like the past three years had been erased and she was a Freshmen once more. It was driving her crazy to think about all of this. There were so many things she should know but in honesty she knew nothing about what the majority of her friends were talking about. Or who these friends were supposed to be. But what had really hurt her, and she wasn't sure why, had been when Sarah's cousin Ashley had come to see her.  
"Hey Spence," Ashley had said with a smile "I want to talk about som- Are you alright?" Spencer's brows had furrowed together as she stared intensely at Ashley. "Spence what is it?" Spencer sighed and looked at Ashley then looked down at the quilt she had across her lap "I don't remember you..." Spencer mumbled and looked up before swiftly looking back down. Ashley's heart had broken the moment Spencer's words had reached her ears, it was as though the only hope that had her heart tethered to her chest had snapped and she was in free fall. It was instant misery and Ashley was spluttering to keep her composure. "Oh well then I uh... Do you uh... I should go..." Ashley finally stated staring at Spencer hoping her eyes conveyed her last plea to fall in love with her. When Spencer had looked up she'd seen the fire in Ashley's eyes and though it had set something ablaze she didn't know what and had simply told Ashley good bye. But her going had made Spencer extremely sad and she wasn't sure why.

Ashley's heart was in shambles here she was in her room hiding away in her closet trying to forget. She couldn't feel... She'd gone absolutely numb and all she had was an unfinished song to show for all these broken emotions she began to strum again it:

They should have named you cocaine  
You're all in my brain  
Driving me insane  
They should've named you cocaine

Cause every time  
I hold you honey  
I get so high and blow all my money  
But I can't complain  
Cause I'm feeling no pain  
They should've named you cocaine

Got me writing all these songs  
Staying up all night long  
Like a fast moving train  
They should've named you cocaine

[Chorus]

Ashley stopped and then strummed a little longer trying to match her song by adding a longer bridge. After a few minutes of thinking she began singing where she left off

Cause every time  
I hold you honey  
I get so high and blow all my money  
But I can't complain  
No  
Cause I'm feeling no pain  
They should've named you cocaine

I'm feeling no pain  
They should've named you cocaine

That was it, that was the end of her song. It'd been months since she'd written and this was finished and right off the bat she couldn't find anything to change. But it was bitter sweet! Her heart was in her stomach, she had a migraine that could kill, and she hadn't slept right in weeks. Kyla walked in and saw her sister hiding away in her closet with a guitar across her lap. She went to join her and noticed Ashley's disheveled and miserable appearance! "She's in love with you Ash there are some things you just can't forget!" Kyla said trying to comfort her distraught sister. "This isn't some Nicholas Sparks movie Kyla! It isn't that easy, the last thing she remembers is being a Freshmen! Which means she's going to remember Petra and her, which means she's already got her love. So I'm fucked Kyla, because honestly if I were Spencer I'd pick Petra over me. That girl is smokin." Ashley looked down at her guitar trying to keep the tears at bay. "She can't honestly be that pretty." Kyla argued and Ashley immediately pulled out her phone and started scrolling. "What're you doing?" Kyla asked full of skepticism "Showing how bad my odds are!" Ashley snapped as she thrust her phone at Kyla. What Kyla saw was a recent picture of Petra at some mic night get together. She had on a tight fitting pink tank, with a ripped black shirt, and vintage looking glasses with hair that looked straight hipster. "See what I mean!?" Ashley yelled as she snatched her phone and launched it across the room. "She's got Spencer's heart in the palm of her hand! That girl is just Spencer's type and she knows it! She knows that Spencer loves her and she won't make the same mistake twice! I saw that look in her eye Kyla. Saw it from the first moment I talked to her, she still loves Spencer and because I dumped her I can't even walk into the hospital room and fight for her!" Angry tears were now falling down Ashley's face as she replayed the worst in her head. Kyla couldn't stand to see her sister like this she stood up and looked at Ashley "No! It means you fight harder Ash! You said kissing Spencer was the best feeling in the world so go on! Go do it! She's not dating what's her face, just kiss her. Make her remember how much she loved you. Fight for her! We're Davies' in case you've forgotten we always win, and you Ash. I've seen how you look at her, how she looks at you. Maybe that was before it happened but that look... That love it's not something easily forgotten. That love she has for you is still there stored in her heart! So you better get up and find a way to make her remember how much she loved you! Don't sit in this closet and mope! Fight! Remember who you are Ashley." Kyla was fighting the weeks of depression and mistrust that had built up in her sisters heart. She hadn't seen her sister this sad since their father had died and the glazed over numb look in her sisters eyes would kill her. She'd remembered the silence that had engulfed them two years ago, the pain and heartache that had nearly killed Ashley; she would not let that happen again. She knew Spencer would remember and she wasn't going to let her sister think otherwise. Ashley looked up at her sister and then let out a sigh "I can't fight for her when I don't really deserve her Ky..." Ashley said and as Kyla was about to rebut Ashley began again "she is the best part of me. I'll make her remember bit first I have to be the girl she deserves..." Ashley said in a tone that would haunt Kyla for years to come.  
"Spencer sweetheart, are you up for one more visitor?" Paula Carlin asked skeptical. Spencer answered with a yawn of yes and Paula debated quickly before allowing Petra entrance. Spencer sat up. This was one of the few faces she remembered; she'd been in love with Petra since she was 13. But her face was a little different she looked a little more aged, a lot more mature, and she looked a little to pained. Spencer recognized that the maturity and age had come with the three years she couldn't remember, here they were 18 years old and Spencer could only remember their relationship from when they were both 15. Petra noticed the concentrated look upon Spencer face and finally, after what seemed like ages, broke the silence. "Hey pretty girl." Petra said shyly "Hello." Spencer answered her voice detached and filled with concentration. Petra sighed and asked in a scared tone "What's the last thing you remember?" at this Spencer looked up her eyes tinged with hurt "I remember you picking him! I remember you saying that I wasn't what you thought I was and that he was a better fit.. But I also remember your kiss.." Spencer said her voice softening. Petra leaned forward as if her life depended on Spencer words "maybe I remember Ashley's kiss actually.. Sarah said I dated her. I don't remember that though." Petra's face fell this was going to be even harder then she thought. Ashley Davies had made an apparent impression and Petra could think of only one thing to do to push Ashley from Spencer's mind. However as she was about to put her plan in motion she heard a commotion outside and watched as Ashley Davies came running into the room. Ashley was breathing heavily, her heart was pounding, and she looked flustered. "Spencer!" Ashley gasped, on the verge of hyperventilation "I'm so sorry to interrupt there's just one thing I need to do." and before Spencer could answer Ashley pounced grabbing her neck and kissing her with everything she had. Petra was looking on a range of emotion flitting through her body. Spencer who was taken aback at Ashley's reappearance took a moment to realize what was going on however when she did she began to kiss Ashley back. Ashley ecstatic about Spencer's reaction began to kiss her even more enthusiastically. As Spencer contemplated the feel of Ashley's kiss and the way her lips felt against hers she pulled away. Now was the moment of truth for Ashley. "You!" Spencer said and pointed at Ashley "Me!" Ashley replied. Spencer looked down then between Petra and Ashley "Who are you? Why do I remember your kiss?" Spencer asked exasperated. Before Ashley could answer Paula Carlin walked in clearly annoyed "Both of you out!" Paula scolded at both Petra and Ashley "But mom!" Spencer began "No!" Paula said "they need to go for now!" Ashley looked like she was going to lose it but before she could say anything Petra shoved her out the door and Ashley turned on her as the new outlet for her anger. "What Davies! Tongue still down Spencer's throat? Talk!" Petra said in a challenging tone as she started walking out of the hospital "You scared or something? You think she'll remember me before you can make her love you? Stay away from her Petra, she doesn't need anymore near death experiences in fact if it weren't for you she wouldn't be here right now." Ashley stated clearly accepting the challenge Petra had thrown out. "You don't know what you're saying!" Petra yelled and Ashley smiled mockingly "Struck a chord there Petra?" Ashley smirked! Petra said nothing she just pulled her arm back and punched Ashley in the face with all the anger, all the regret, and all the fear of losing Spencer. Ashley fell into the wall and Petra turned and walked out of the hospital.


	8. Chapter 8

Ashley was almost sure her nose was broken and she held her face and she couldn't see out of her right eye. She knew how to push buttons and she'd apparently really pushed Petra's. She felt like her head was going to split from the pain of the other girls punch but she couldn't help but laugh at the situation she was now in. Here she was, the daughter of a Rockstar in a hospital bleeding from the face. She went to find the ER.  
Petra had sped away and gone to her loft Davies had money but Petra had worked for her money and Davies had, had the money handed to her. She stormed into her studio and plugged in her acoustic. She began to strum as the old regret engulfed her

I'm at a payphone trying to call home  
All of my change I've spent on you  
Where are the times gone baby  
It's all wrong, we're at the place we made for two

Yeah, I, I know it's hard to remember  
The people we used to be  
It's even harder to picture  
That you're not here next to me  
You say it's too late to make it  
But is it too late to try?  
And in that time that you wasted  
All of our bridges burnt down

I've wasted my nights  
You turned out the lights  
Now I'm paralyzed  
Still stuck in that time when we called it love  
But even the sun sets in paradise

I'm at a payphone trying to call home  
All of my change I've spent on you  
Where have the times gone baby  
It's all wrong, we're are the plans we made for two

If happy ever afters did exist  
I would still be holding you like this  
All those fairytales are full shit  
One more fuckin' love song I'll be sick

You turned your back on tomorrow  
Cause you forgot yesterday  
I gave you my love to borrow  
But you just gave it away  
You can't expect me to be fine  
I don't expect you to care  
I know I said it before  
But all of our bridges burnt down

I've wasted my nights  
You turned out the lights  
Now I'm paralyzed  
Still stucked in that time when we called it love  
But even the sun sets in paradise

I'm at a payphone trying to call home  
All of my change I've spent on you  
Where are the times gone baby  
It's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two

If happy ever after did exist  
I would still be holding you like this  
All those fairytales are full shit  
One more fuckin' love song I'll be sick

Now I'm at a payphone…

Now baby don't hang up  
So I can tell you what you need know  
Baby I'm beggin you just please don't go  
So I can tell you what you need to know

I'm at a payphone trying to call home  
All of my change I've spent on you  
Where have the times gone baby  
It's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two

If happy ever after did exist  
I would still be holding you like this  
And all these fairytales are full shit  
One more fuckin' love song I'll be sick

Now i'm at a payphone…

She'd written that song the night of Madison's party when she'd gone to search for Spencer. It wasn't really in her point of view. She regretted so much over the last three years that she needed to get it out there the emotions loved and lost. This was her last card to play and she didn't know how much hope to put in it. She needed Spencer's forgiveness more importantly she needed love but this wasn't going to come easy. She'd lost her right to those and attempting to process that was going to kill her. She remembered her and Spencer's first conversation


	9. Chapter 9

1 Week Later

Spencer couldn't handle it; it was as simple as that. Her mother had refused to let Ashley and Petra come back after the broken nose incident. Apparently Ashley had powered through and acted like taking a hit to the face for Spencer wasn't a problem but Spencer hated it. She was anxious, she was suspicious, and she was thinking far too much since Ashley had kissed her. She wanted so badly to see her and she knew it was because she needed to figure out where Ashley fit into her heart. But Spencer had a strong ache to see Petra as well and explain, though she really had no idea what she was going to explain with a failing memory and a strong desire to kiss someone that was not at all Petra. The thinking was making her sick but she didn't have much else to do. Spencer was struggling through the nights many were now sleepless and if they weren't sleepless they were restless. There were nightmares she couldn't place and whenever she spoke about these to her mother Paula placated her with things like "Well maybe that was from a movie sweetheart, we do leave the TV in here on." Spencer knew this wasn't true when she'd first brought them up her mother's eyes had nearly popped out of her skull. She couldn't handle all this confusion, she was going crazy trying to remember the past and she was going crazy thinking of the kiss she'd shared with Ashley. The second she thought of it she felt butterflies in her stomach and tightness in her chest. She kept trying to convince herself it meant nothing but deep inside herself she felt things stirring if not three years ago she definitely had a strong distinction and idea for the past few months, though the details were certainly blurry. She needed to see Ashley before she saw Petra she just didn't know how she was going to do that.

Petra King Lunch

"You have no idea." Petra was telling Aiden as she rubbed her temples. "I haven't slept since I first found out about the accident. Everything is so restless all the time and that damn sophomore is like fucking Visa she damned everywhere!" Petra continued frustrated. Aiden took in those words before carefully responding. "You know Petra no offense or anything but can you blame her? I know you feel like everyone is pushing Ashley on you but can you blame them? When you compare the two breakups and the reasons Ashley had a better reason." Petra was fuming but Aiden continued noting her response "Look I'm not saying Ashley was right but you killed her Petra, do you get that? Do you understand that she was dead? The world of depression your breakup pushed her into was awful. You want everyone to welcome you with open arms and that's not going to happen. You're not what is best for her, maybe we all thought you were but you proved us all very wrong. Maybe Ashley isn't either but he at least she took herself out of the equation for Spencer. You were selfish, you broke my bestfriend. Forgive me if I'm not playing into your sob story." Petra stood and threw down her water "You think you have it all figured out don't you Aiden? You think you know everything going through my head don't you? It's wasn't fun without her how dare you think it was!" Aiden retaliated immediately "Cut it out you think slamming your things around will make my memory as blurry as Spencer's? I remember all the blog posts Petra all the facebook pictures you had posted with that jackass from England. Spare me." "Go to hell Aiden!" "My conscience isn't guilty like yours I think I'll be fine. You need to leave Spencer alone." Petra stormed off with burning eyes and punched the nearest locker.


	10. Chapter 10

"Ashley you need to stop this!" Kyla was arguing "Kyla I'm not doing anything. I've been on Spencer lockdown for a week! Glen hasn't been at school, Sarah won't talk to me, and the Carlin's won't let me or that Petra girl see her like what do you want me to do?" Ashley said exasperated "I want you to not give up!" "I'm not giving up. I know you think I am because I'm not persistently at the door but I feel it Ky. We're right I know we are but if she picks Petra I have to let her do that. If I keep her away, if I tell her off, if I make her feel guilty we're not going to have the relationship we had before the accident. We're never going to have that relationship again. I'll get her again but don't you dare question me Kyla. I know exactly what I'm doing." Ashley finished. "You've lost your damn mind!" Kyla yelled and with that, took off exasperated. Ashley shook her head and reached into her bag for her headphones. She put the massive headphones over her ears and let the music wash over her. This was how she handled things granted when she went on these walks she rarely took Kyla with her. These walks were designated for herself and the music. Her mother hated it. There was always something dangling from Ashley's ear, there was always a melody she was humming, and there was an incessant splurge of oneliners and verses running through her brain. The teachers hated the way she would scrape by with D's and C's but she didn't need high school, she never wanted high school and it was only the constant need she felt to prove herself to her mother that kept her in school. The music wasn't loud enough. Ashley was starting to get anxious. She put the music up and sat down on the grass, closing her eyes, and breathing deeply. Her head started to relax into the bass and her fingers were playing the frets of the guitar that was sitting comfortably in her room. She'd been doing this for years but she hadn't felt the need to go out on the grounds and feel the music this much since her father passed away. This she recognized was her life line and without it she would crack under the the stresses and uncertainty. Ashley needed Spencer out of the hospital no, Ashley needed to write, Ashley had her own damn priorities and she was forgetting about everything except the music and Spencer. As she went to set her head on her knee's she heard Aiden's SUV pull up and she reluctantly put her headphones away.

"Hey Ash, what's up?" Aiden asked as he approached her. "Nothing really, just studying," Ashley stated even though there wasn't a book or binder in sight. Aiden surveyed the empty area around Ashley and shook his head. "You know Ash you should really start doing some work." Aiden stated matter of factly as he took a seat opposite her. "You know Aiden you should really mind your own damn business." Ashley stated annoyed "I'm worried about you Ash!" Aiden said with his eyebrows furrowed "I don't need you to be worried about me; I need you to be the only one that isn't worried about me. I can't take anymore; everyone keeps talking about how they're so worried about me. It's suffocating. I need everyone to just back off, stop holding onto me so tightly." Aiden took this in. He'd known Ashley his whole life, he knew she was fronting but if he called her on it he knew she would hate him for it. Instead he sat back and surveyed their surroundings for awhile. He broke the silence a bit later "You written anything lately?" When all else failed always lead her to the music, it was her surviving mechanism. "Not today, no" Ashley answered frustrated. Aiden smiled, "You know most people can go weeks without even writing their name, you can't even go a day without writing a verse." Ashley gave a small smirk, she knew what he was doing; she loved him for it but today was not the day for it. She placated him and he could tell "You know how I get; I mirror my father in that way." Ashley said and immediately looked toward the fountain in the drive. Her dad was always sticky, if she thought too long about him she would get sick, if she didn't she would get sick, Aiden was the middle ground but today she couldn't even handle this. "Ash…" Aiden paused and Ashley turned toward him. "I'm going to go pick up some food, you want anything?" Ashley shook her head, "I might go to the gym." She answered flatly. Aiden nodded "I won't keep you then," and they stood. He grabbed her in a hug and she let herself fall into him for a few seconds, she was going to break down any moment now and she shrugged him off. "I'll talk to you later Aiden." She stated and took off for the house without even making eye contact with him.


	11. Chapter 11

Ashley made her way into her room to shrug out of her day clothes and find something more fitted for working out. She wasn't exactly feeling a trip to the gym but she recognized her need for one. Her closet held the bruises she'd inflicted on the walls as well as the memories of swollen knuckles and broken hands. She'd made a habit of throwing punches when she got over stressed and they weren't necessarily thrown at other people, her walls were proof of that. Ashley also knew if she stayed in the house it would have a suffocating effect on her. Days like this she felt as though the walls were seeping memories at their corners and she hated the way they made her feel. The house held everything she was always too afraid to face: Her father's drug problem, her mother's unfair disappointment, and the future she'd yet to attain, then there were the shinier moments of childhood, the brief respites from her father's constant touring, the days her mother still believed in her, and naturally the memories of Spencer. She began to clench her fists. She began to move more hurriedly this house had a way of drowning her.

When Aiden had left Ashley's he'd had every intention of stopping at In-N-Out and then heading home, however seeing Ashley in her current state had led him, and his car, to the Carlin home. As he parked he briefly considered going where he'd intended but he shrugged the idea off, Mr. Carlin's food beat Drive Thru any day. He rang the bell and as he waited for someone to answer the door he surveyed the front lawn. He noticed a car he didn't recognize in the drive way but before he could put much thought into who it belonged to he heard the door open behind him. "Oh uhm hey man! What're you doing here?" Glen asked. Aiden recognized Glen's unease but didn't think much of it. "Well my parents are out of town and I figured your parents wouldn't mind a visit." Aiden answered "Well I supp-"Great man thanks!" Aiden cut him off and let himself in as he did he immediately realized why he was met with unease rather than the trademark enthusiasm. Sitting at the Carlin dinner table were Arthur, Paula, and Petra


End file.
